When was the last time you had an argument with your parents? Let’s rewind and recollect those memories… The grunts and the sighs, a little bit of weeping and rage, whats more by the end of the day, our parents made the final call…like it or not.
I have been a retaliating child for many reasons, especially times when my mom never had an answer, I always had to ask a “Why?” I was too little to comprehend things like where to ask? When to ask? Which was quite annoying for my parents, there were times when certain questions left mom so dumbfounded because she had no answers for it… So our arguments were mostly based on, those baseless facts or perceptions, which I never agreed to, unless given a valid opinion to relate, this conflict between us goes on till today. The most common frustration after an argument is when you do not understand why are parents taking up certain actions? or why it is so difficult for them to understand something so simple? What if I told you it need not be so one sided. Now that you are in their shoes, there is a better understanding of what should be done here.
Today you have your little heroes, who have reached the age of thinking, voicing, analyzing, observing and laying out their opinions forward, there are clashes of thoughts, which results in parent-child conflicts. It is a common scenario that would repeatedly appear for parents when children are in their teens or even reach that stage. Once a conflict starts, depending on the parent’s personality and the situation, arguments can get messy or can be sorted out quickly. There is nothing bad about having these small ruffs, instead it just makes a parent-child rapport stronger. However matters can get out of hand if the conflict gets overwhelming and if both parent and child do not come in negotiable terms with one decision or opinion. Quarrels are meant to happen there is no rest to it. How do you want the conflict to be dealt with? This is the question we need to put forth to deal with this problem well. We can control the intensity of the stress, but have no right to stop the views and opinions from flowing.
As I was scrolling through the news few days back, a news article caught my eye and I was surprised by the figures shown. Although, it’s an American study, we need to view it from a global perspective. Let me share the screenshot with you….you can read the entire news article here.
We come from different backgrounds, have our cultures and traditions we follow, but when it comes to being a parent most of the matters are similar for all of us. How to go about when you and your child are in such settings, as parents let’s look at how to bridge this gap:
It’s not about what you say, but how you say it
When you are trying to explain something, be very clear as to what you are putting forward with a clear perspective, do not confuse or leave the statement hanging for children to figure out. And the same concept goes for children too, to teach them how to speak and put forward their opinions.
Is one of the main reasons for parent-child conflict, it happened to you and your parents and now it’s your child and you. Clash of opinions, views, ideas, etc. is what generation gap is all about. It’s time both you and your child be conscious about this aspect when you have a talk, its normal for you to resist change when your child brings about one, and vice versa, what’s more significant is to come in common grounds with that change. There is always a way!
Give each other a chance to complete their sentences
Say your child is trying to explain to you his/her reasons to take such an action and you immediately interrupt their speech and put your point. This just leads to more misunderstandings. The same rule has to be explained to your child, that when you talk not to interrupt, listen to each other completely before coming to a mutual understanding.
Make it a rule at home, that during a debate or an argument to give each other the opportunity to complete their sentences and not disrupt mid-way, this can actually be quite infuriating as well as disturb the flow of thoughts as to what is being said. There might be certain reasons your child says, which puts you to rage, that you end up saying, “I’m not listening to you, you are doing as I say!” Maybe you would feel great about it, not for your teen though, it just builds in dishonesty and more frustration. Next time, your child would end up not telling you the important things of life. So listen to them, as to what is in their mind? Do you feel that certain something he/ she said can be implemented?
Remember sometimes, your child just wants you to listen to what he/she has to stay and not give any sort of opinions and advice for it, if you find something that needs attention and rectification, speak up!
Every generation brings about a change in the society, in the world, so adapting to the change is crucial. I am not saying to change completely, but the way you deal with the change and the faster you accept it, the smoother your life with your kids would be.
Make the conversation between you and your child peaceful, by stepping down personal egos, boundaries and come down to the same level, eye-to eye for having conversations with them.
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